I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
