I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
