When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
