and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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