I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
