he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
