I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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