What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
