I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize