I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
