We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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