In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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