I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
