I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
