Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
