just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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