shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my shit smells like andre
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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