this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
