Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
