So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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