I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
