im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just invented taco cereal.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
