Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
