I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
