He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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