I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
