sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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