Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
