hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
