I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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