There was a lot of him and a little penis
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
