I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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