omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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