It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
