Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
