AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
