but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
