I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
