I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
