the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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