YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
