When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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