There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
