we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
where are my eyebrows?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
