areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
