Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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