Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
