you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
