I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
