Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
