All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
