girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
