Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
