"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
