Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.