She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.