Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza