Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
