i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
