Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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