I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
