Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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