My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
