your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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