she woke up with a sticky ear
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize