We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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