I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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