rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
