Acid is not a monday night drug
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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