some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
